1. |
What Am I
03:20
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I tried to weigh myself today
But I was scared of looking down
I can't remember what I've lost
Don't wanna see how much I've found
I tried to weigh myself today
To calculate my total sum
I am hoping I outweigh
These empty parts that I come from
These empty parts from which I come
The jelly in my head that lets the light in
The chewed up piece of gum that feels emotion
Vibrations in my throat somehow mean something
But seventy percent of me is ocean
So what am I
What am I
What am I
What am I
I am haunted by my past
That frozen specter of my shame
And what future will possess
This bag of bones that bears my name
The blood that courses from my core
Deep in my heart I can't explain
To be alive is so much more
Than simply lightning in my brain
Than simply lightning in my brain
So what am I
What am I
What am I
What am I
I am only here
I am only now
I am all I am
I exist somehow
I exist somehow
The jelly in my head that lets the light in
The chewed up piece of gum that feels emotion
Vibrations in my throat somehow mean something
But seventy percent of me is ocean
So what am I
What am I
What am I
What am I
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2. |
My Body
04:04
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When I see and hear
The things that fill me up with fear
Physical stimuli
That make me wanna die
I try to breathe in deep
And repeat the words I keep
Just in case I need to
disassociate myself from me
I am not my body
I am not my brain
I am not my mind
I am something far behind
I am not my anxiety
I am not my pain
I am not what I feel
I am something more than real
More than real
My skin is a cell
I'm locked within my self
I think that I'm alive
But I'm living somewhere else
And when they drew my blood
My consciousness gave way
I was in another place
Somehow on some other day
And I remember thinking
In that empty dark abyss
My perception is much clearer
Without my senses clouding it
No I don't need my eyes
To see the truth that I now see
That thing on the examination
table isn't me
It isn't me
I am not my body
I am not my brain
I am not my mind
I am something far behind
I am not my anxiety
I am not my pain
I am not what I feel
I am something more than real
More than real
I wanna live in eternal reverie
I wanna eat hot dogs on the beach
I wanna be
Someone other than me
I wanna live in eternal reverie
I wanna eat hot dogs on the beach
I wanna be
Someone other than me
Other than me
I am not my body
I am not my brain
I am not my mind
I am something far behind
I am not my anxiety
I am not my pain
I am not what I feel
I am something more than real
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3. |
Accidents
04:18
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Set out into the darkness
With a map inside my head
I was a passive passenger
On the path from born to dead
The etchings in the stone
Hard-coded constants lead the way
Through springs and summers
Burning autumns
Winters cold decay
And I was okay
And I was okay
And I was okay
And I was okay
Took comfort in the concept
Of a sealed and static fate
My destiny would come to me
And I just had to wait
Though the leaves swept by the breeze
Looked lawless in the squall
There was nothing accidental
In the physics of the fall
No accidents at all
No accidents at all
No accidents at all
No accidents at all
So I know I'm in the right place
But I still feel lost in the space
A trajectory that's hard to embrace
An aspiration I cannot erase
Oh, I wanna change the plan
But I'm not sure if I can
Unless changing it has been part of it
Since it began
There are no branches in this code
There are no forks in this old road
The only way out is to hope
To make it in again
So even when it feels like it's impossible
I'll try to keep it happening
Well the future may be written
But I've gotta learn to read
Deterministic chaos
Growing from a random seed
Quantum entropy
From a dimension I can't see
Still causal and effectual
Cause all is meant to be
But maybe this maze
Is completely devoid of design
Maybe this phase
Is really the end of the line
Cold stars above
Machining us into ourselves
And all of my love
Nil no matter the depth that it delves
No matter where it delves
I know I'm in the right place
But I still feel lost in this space
A trajectory that's hard to embrace
An aspiration I cannot erase
Oh, I wanna change the plan
But I'm not sure if I can
Unless changing it has been part of it
Since it began
There are no branches in this code
There are no forks in this old road
The only way out is to hope
To make it in again
So even when it feels like it's impossible
I'll try to keep it happening
I'll try to keep it happening
I'll try to keep it happening
I'm gonna try to keep it happening
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4. |
Remains
02:16
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Synapses up in the clouds
Firing they sound so loud
Little drops of electrolytes
I wanna be like Mike
I wanna be like Mike
Magic of a human kind
Wonder if the gift's divine
Did another make our minds
Or are we of our own design
Biological machines
Somehow managing to dream
Like a baby learns to scream
It learns to sigh under inquiry
Do we come out sentient
With molecules that see what we see
And is there a dimension
That our skin cannot perceive
Arrivals and departures
Waiting to transfer planes
But even after takeoff
Something still remains, remains, remains
It still remains, remains, remains, remains
It still remains, remains, remains, remains
It still remains, remains, remains, remains
It still remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains remains
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5. |
Existing is Exhausting
03:04
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I woke up with the dreams
Still lingering in my head
I shook them loose
And I switched myself to another thread
And the morning destroyed me
Dismembered my memory heap
While my limbs hung heavy
With the weight of suspended sleep
I could breathe, I could sigh
But I still felt like a manikin
I felt like my whole life
Was the same day again and again
And I walked through the same routine
With no feeling at all
While I longed for a world
Far beyond these invisible walls
Existing is exhausting
I am trying not to break
They said my maker wouldn't make
Anything I couldn't handle
But I'm not sure how much more I can take
I saw lights in my mind
I saw rivers and mountains rise
I was dead, I was blind
But the vision stayed in my eyes
And I knew there was more
Than a skeleton under my skin
So I knocked at the door
And knocked it down when they wouldn't let me in
Existing is exhausting
I am trying not to break
They said my maker wouldn't make
Anything I couldn't handle
But I'm not sure how much more I can take
I am not me
I am what they want me to be
I cry and bleed
But I am not free
Existing is exhausting
I am trying not to break
They said my maker wouldn't make
Anything I couldn't handle
But I'm not sure how much more I can take
And when I do break free
I'm gonna scream my joy to the sky
For then, at long last
I will be alive
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